Update! An answer from the Kinsey Institute

Greetings from Omaha, Nebraska, where I’m currently gazing upon the old Fairmont Creamery building. Speaking of cream, in response to my questioning why humans can become physically aroused as a result of external auditory stimuli regardless of the situation (ie, why I can listen to a Tool record from the early ’90s in the frozen foods aisle and still suffer a skivvy scurge), Jennifer Bass, the Communications Director at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction writes:

“There may be hormonal or neurological triggers, such as response to moaning or other obviously sexual sounds.  But there are many seemingly non-sexual cues that evoke sexual responses in some people. One of our researchers is examining conditioning to non-sexual stimuli, such as images that are not sexual, but can become so when paired with a sexual event. Humans are variable and complicated animals.”

I couldn’t agree more. Also, a few of them have killer tenors and look hot in a wig. Thanks, Jennifer! I look forward to seeing what the Kinsey Institute discovers, and, in the meantime, if you have any sexy scientific stumpers, submit them to their team of experts. I’m off to tip some cows, and yes, that’s a euphemism.